I had anxiety all morning about heading to therapy yesterday. A recommendation that had been made to me not once or twice, but for the last two years from various people. After several months of denial and procrastination - and some consistent nudging from my family and friends - I made an appointment. Walking in, the waiting room was filled with sounds of ocean waves.
Ahhh there’s the universe, again, showing out for me.
And just like every trip I take to the ocean, I knew I needed to be there.
I knew I waited two years too long to be there.
“What issues would you like to address during therapy?”
It took me no time at all to list them out:
1) The unexpected loss of my 23-year playing career; my identity
2) Continued, daily issues of post-concussion symptoms
3) How to tell the entire story of my life post-June 14, 2016 and why sharing it matters
And last but not least, if you really know me well, I felt this was as good a time as ever to get this part addressed, too: 4) "Puking phobia” (LOL)
It took me two years to get to this point: walking in the door of a stranger's office vulnerable enough to say, "Help me." This isn't something my friends can fix with a phone call. It's not something my family can fix with hugs and love. This is something - I am something - I need to fix. I need the attention and help of someone objective, someone qualified and someone so far removed they don't even know what "runners in scoring position" means, to help me move forward.
1) The unexpected loss of my 23-year playing career; my identity
2) Continued, daily issues of post-concussion symptoms
3) How to tell the entire story of my life post-June 14, 2016 and why sharing it matters
And last but not least, if you really know me well, I felt this was as good a time as ever to get this part addressed, too: 4) "Puking phobia” (LOL)
It took me two years to get to this point: walking in the door of a stranger's office vulnerable enough to say, "Help me." This isn't something my friends can fix with a phone call. It's not something my family can fix with hugs and love. This is something - I am something - I need to fix. I need the attention and help of someone objective, someone qualified and someone so far removed they don't even know what "runners in scoring position" means, to help me move forward.
It took me two years to find the courage to show up.
And walking through that door felt just like walking into the ocean.
Calming.
Freeing.
And therapeutic.
